Women's Week: Women in the Church

What is the proper role of women in the Church?  It is a topic that got a lot more press ten years ago than it does now-at least in Catholic circles.  Protestants, except for conservative Evangelicals, seem to have decided in favor of women in the clergy.  Evangelicals seem, to this outsider, to decide on a congregation by congregation basis so that if a woman wants to be a pastor, she can probably find a church that will accept her.  The official word of the Catholic Church is that the Church does not and never will have the authority to ordain women, case closed. However, if you look at the Church from a historical perspective, despite the fact that women have never been ordained, they have held positions of influence and authority--more influence and authority than was common for women of their time in the secular world.

So my readers, since we are discussing women this week, what do you see as the proper role of women in the church (or other faith community)?  Why?

 If your religious congregation has a female pastor, how was she accepted when she first arrived?  Did it cause division in your community?  One completely non-doctrinal fear I've had about women pastors is that having one would make church seem too much a female place for men to feel comfortable.  Has your experience validated my concerns, or not?  In other words, has having a woman in the pulpit changed the male/female make-up of your congregation?  How did you come to have a female pastor?  In other words, was she assigned by some higher-up, or did your congregation choose to hire her?

In my experience, while Catholic parishes are generally run by male priests, the paid staff under them, and the volunteers who take the most time-consuming jobs are generally women.  Is this your experience as well?  Is that a good thing, and if not, what can be done about it?

Remember, if you have left your email address in a comment on the giveaway post, substantive comments to this post earn you entries to win an autographed copy of The Cougar Club: A Novel

Women's Week: Fill in the Blanks

We've been talking about women all week, so now I invite you to post a comment filling in the blanks.

The best thing that has happened to/for women in the last thirty years has been ____________.
The worst thing that has happened to/for women in the last thirty years has been ____________.
One change I hope to see soon that should have a big effect on women is ______________.

Feel free to expound on your answers.

Like the other Women's Week posts, substantive comments on this post will gain you entries to win an autographed copy of The Cougar Club: A Novel

Women's Week: Cougars?

The Cougar Club: A Novel was the inspiration for this weeks' series of posts about women.  I reviewed it earlier this week, and have a giveaway going.  To win an autographed copy, leave your name and email address on the giveaway post, and for more entries, leave substantive comments regarding any of my Women's Week posts.

Since The Cougar Club: A Novel was the inspiration for this series, I thought we'd take a day to discuss the "Cougar" phenomenon.  A "Cougar", I've recently learned, is a women who exclusively, or almost exclusively, dates younger men--men at least ten years younger than she is.   Are you a Cougar?  If so, why?  What do you think you bring to a relationship that the man wouldn't get with someone his own age?  What do younger men have that men your age don't?  Do you know any Cougars?  What do you think of them and/or their dates?  What do you think of the whole idea?

I don't know any "Cougars" well enough to make any personal comments or observations.  However, in general, people are involved in the dating world for one of two reasons:  they are seeking marriage or they are seeking sex.  If all a Cougar wants is sex, then she shouldn't be surprised if she finds herself getting it with immature self-absorbed men.  If she wants marriage, frankly, why should a man that much younger consider marrying her, especially if she is past her childbearing years?  For the most part, men who are stable, loving and responsible and seeking marriage also want kids.  That's not to say it is impossible for  Cougar to find a good man, it is just that, from what I see of people in general, it doesn't seem likely to me.

Women's Week: Can You Have It All?

 

     One thing that struck me about the characters of   The Cougar Club: A Novel is that they had very successful career lives, and were, at least in my opinion, with one exception, failures on the personal side.  Can we have it all?  Is the price of a high-powered, high-paying, high-profile job your personal life?  Can a woman expect to be highly successful at the office, and a happily married mother?  Men do it all the time, and often credit the support of their wives as a factor in their success, but many of the successful women you see do not have husbands.  Sarah Palin seems to have it all.  Is she a role model, proof that it can be done, or is she an anomaly, someone setting a standard the normal woman cannot hope to match?  Is Condoleezza Rice, who has never married, more the norm for a successful career woman?  What do you think?  Leave a comment, (remember substantive comments get you a chance to win The Cougar Club: A Novel) giving your views on this subject, or blog about it yourself, and leave me a link.

In my opinion, the main problem with those high-powered, high-paying, high-status jobs is that, for the most part, they are very time-consuming.  I haven't met anyone yet who can be in two places at the same time.  I have a boss who has a daughter the same age as my little one.  There have been several things in which her daughter has been involved that I know she wanted to attend, but she couldn't, because she had something at work that she just couldn't get out of.  I realize there are some lower-class moms who couldn't have afforded to miss work, so would have missed the same events, but I've noticed that those of us in the middle generally are able to arrange our schedules to be there when our kids want us there.  As far as husbands go, I think it is hard to find a man who can both handle a woman being very successful and yet be the kind of man she wants around.  To find a man like that who is willing to be the primary caretaker of children is practically impossible.   So, in general, no I don't think it is possible to have it all, at least for most women.  Looking at the women who have reached the pinnacle of many professions shows a group of women who are single and/or childless in much greater numbers than the men in the same positions.  It's not fair, but it seems to me to be the way it is.

Women's Week: Coed or Single-Sex?

(Photo from Mississippi's First Alumnae Association website)

I am a proud alumna of Mississippi University for Women, the first and last state-supported institution of higher learning exclusively for women.  My class, the Class of '83 was the last to graduate all women.  Thanks to the Supreme Court Case of Mississippi University for Women v Joe Hogan, the school was forced to become co-educational.  Today, even though the school is about twenty percent male, the name remains Mississippi University for Women.  The current president has championed a name change as being a way to increase enrollment and, therefore, keep the school independent and financially solvent.  Most vocal, financially-supporting alumna are against the name change.  Until recently, even though men were admitted, the stated purpose of the school was focused on women.  The current president has vacillated between attempting to turn the school into sort of a public version of the private small liberal arts college and trying to turn it into a senior version of the local community college.  She believes the name of the university makes it difficult to recruit men, who even if they know it is coed, don't want to attend a school with that name; and to recruit women, most of whom are not interested in a single-sex school.

It is with that background that I ask "What is better for our daughters, single-sex schools, or coed ones?  I'll be the first to admit that the only reason I gave the W a second look was because they offered me a substantial scholarship.  I wanted to go off to school, and my parents weren't paying for that, only for the local junior college.  I figured where there were that many girls, there must be boys in one way or another, and sure enough, after I got there,  I noticed that those girls who wanted regular dates usually had them.  Even in those days there were rumors of the place going coed, and at first I thought that would be wonderful--I mean the lack of guys was the only thing "wrong" with the school, as far as I could see.  Some older students quickly set me straight and told me what the studies showed about women's colleges--that as a whole, women who graduated from women's colleges were more academically successful and more leadership oriented.  Not having men around eliminated the temptation for women to appear less bright than they were so as to be attractive to men.  In a single-sex environment, women were more likely to be called on in class and to be campus leaders.  By the time I graduated, I was a firm believer in the value of an education at a women's university.

What is the best way to prepare our daughters for the future?  Are they best served in an environment where they can learn and grow without the distraction of and competition with men, or do they need to be with men so as to learn to work with and compete against them?   Would you have considered a women's college had an affordable one been available?  Would your daughter?  Has society outgrown women's colleges, or do they still fill a useful purpose?

That was the end of this post (which was pre-written) until Sunday, when I read this post asking whether we are now short-changing boys.   So, now I also ask, what is better for boys, a single-sex environment or coed?  I've heard that all boy environments encourage boys to achieve, without the distraction of girls, and without as much temptation to be "cool" and stupid.  I've also seen how all boy environments can be testosterone-laden "whose got the biggest ones" contests where the weak are crushed.  I've heard high school teachers say that having girls there civilizes boys.  Have you had any experiences to share?

Women's Week: How Do You Define Success?

One thing that struck me in reading The Cougar Club is that it was about three women who many would consider to be successful, yet none of them seemed happy.  If you consider the mass media to be a reflection of society, in order to be happy we should be young, wealthy, successful, influential, pretty, in good shape, and did I mention young?  Yet, I can honestly say that though I enjoyed my 20's at the time, if given the chance to live a decade of my life again, it would either be my thirties or forties (I haven't hit my fifties yet, so who knows what is ahead?).  By that time I was comfortable in my skin, I knew who I was and what I wanted out of life, and while some would say I didn't set my goals high enough, I had accepted my spot in the pecking order of life so that I no longer felt I had to go out of my way to impress people.  I've enjoyed being Mom to my kids, we aren't worried about how we are going to pay the bills, and my husband and I love each other and are content together.  While I may not wear Prada, drive a Jaguar or take luxury spa vacations, while my latest squeeze has grey hair and is carrying a few extra pounds (and happens to be the only squeeze I've had in over twenty years), while if you see me on TV with my boss, I'm the fuzzy one in the back, hauling the boxes; I consider myself successful because I have everything material that I need, a lot that I want, and most importantly, a family who loves me.  

So ladies and gents, especially those of you of a certain age, how do you define success?  Do you consider  yourself successful?  Leave a substantive answer to those questions, or a substantive comment about what I've had to say, and earn entries to win The Cougar Club: A Novel.