Thursday, February 18, 2010

Women's Week: Cougars?

The Cougar Club: A NovelThe Cougar Club: A Novel was the inspiration for this weeks' series of posts about women.  I reviewed it earlier this week, and have a giveaway going.  To win an autographed copy, leave your name and email address on the giveaway post, and for more entries, leave substantive comments regarding any of my Women's Week posts.

Since The Cougar Club: A Novel was the inspiration for this series, I thought we'd take a day to discuss the "Cougar" phenomenon.  A "Cougar", I've recently learned, is a women who exclusively, or almost exclusively, dates younger men--men at least ten years younger than she is.   Are you a Cougar?  If so, why?  What do you think you bring to a relationship that the man wouldn't get with someone his own age?  What do younger men have that men your age don't?  Do you know any Cougars?  What do you think of them and/or their dates?  What do you think of the whole idea?

I don't know any "Cougars" well enough to make any personal comments or observations.  However, in general, people are involved in the dating world for one of two reasons:  they are seeking marriage or they are seeking sex.  If all a Cougar wants is sex, then she shouldn't be surprised if she finds herself getting it with immature self-absorbed men.  If she wants marriage, frankly, why should a man that much younger consider marrying her, especially if she is past her childbearing years?  For the most part, men who are stable, loving and responsible and seeking marriage also want kids.  That's not to say it is impossible for  Cougar to find a good man, it is just that, from what I see of people in general, it doesn't seem likely to me.


  1. I don't know any cougars personally either, but I AM highly amused by your Google ads this week - this was the top one today:

    Older Women Younger Men
    Older Women Seeking Younger Men. 100% Free. Join Now!

    More seriously, once most men hit their mid-20s/early 30s, the ones that are going to be stable will already be stable. Those that aren't will remain jerks into their 50s. So personally, I'd rather wind up with the stable younger guy than the older jerk. I see a cougar as the female equivalent of the guy I work with who only wants to date younger women.

  2. I don't know any cougars and since I'm only 6 mos older than dh I don't count either :)
    I think women who date men that much younger are looking for their own youth or they're looking for power - men they can control because of their immaturity

  3. I totally agree with Michele! Good guys are good guys, no matter their age. So why is it such a big stinking deal if a woman dates a guy who is younger than she is? And many older women aren't just doing it for the sex, I guarantee you. It's hard to find a guy you click with when the dating pool gets slimmer and slimmer as we age. That's just a fact of life. Some of us who are labeled Cougars (and are amused by it more than anything!) actually were pursued by the younger men. I had never dated a younger guy before I met my husband (who is 9 years younger and an amazing, upstanding guy). That's what inspired me to write "The Cougar Club," because there are plenty of women in their forties and older, branded as "Cougars," who are really just living our lives, working hard at our professions, feeling good about ourselves, and apparently attracting younger men (or in my case, a younger man who became my husband two years ago next week!).

  4. I'd never heard the term "Cougar" until I was offered this book. My research told me it was a woman who exclusively dated men much younger than herself. It is just my opinion, but I think there is a difference between a woman (or man) who goes looking for, and exclusively dates, those much younger and one who happens to meet and fall in love with someone much younger. Yes, there are good guys out there in every age group, and someone who is "much" older or younger at one age is "about the same" at another, but if the purpose of this book was to convince me that love between a younger man and older woman could work, you failed. The guy the doctor is with has possibilities (though you have to wonder how he is going to feel about never having kids of his own) but the rest of the men in that book are nothing but overgrown children.

  5. Ruth, it wasn't my job to convince you of anything or change your mind-set. The Cougar Club is fiction that's meant to entertain and take people out of their own lives for a little bit. I realize quite clearly that you didn't like the book, so I can't say a thing that'll change your mind about how you feel. I happen to disagree with you about the characters, of course, but that's life. You're entitled to feel whatever you want. Again, thanks for doing that contest! It's been quite interesting visiting with you this week! :-)

  6. Susan, I didn't hate the book, and it did get me thinking, and that's not a bad thing. I also like stirring the pot periodically and seeing if I can get discussion going, and this seemed like a good book with which to do that. Thanks for the giveaway and it's been nice visiting with you this week.


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