Saturday, December 12, 2009

More Than a Match

When I was offered a review copy More Than a Match I thought it would be something to give my teens; rather I found it more aimed at young adults--those at a place in life where they were ready to pick a mate.

From the Publisher: You’ve searched a lifetime for that special person, but how can you be absolutely certain that you’ve found “The One”? And more important, how can you hold on to that love for the rest of your life?

More Than a Match explores the “compatibility factor,” demystifying the science behind matchmaking and giving you the tools you need to find the love you want. You’ll learn how to apply the specifics of good compatibility to a prospective date or mate, as well as how to break things off when you find yourself in the wrong relationship.

But since great relationships aren’t built on compatibility alone, marriage experts Michael and Amy Smalley also delve into the “forever factor,” giving you the skills you need to turn your romance into a lifelong love affair. You’ll learn how to deal with conflict, how to develop a healthy sex life, and how to recover when you inevitably hurt one another.

Fantastic marriages begin long before the exchange of the rings; they start when two people in search of love commit themselves to learning to how to love well…and forever. Because finding and keeping the love of your life is about much
More Than a Match.

From Me: I found the book easy to read and full of good ideas. It had a definite religious bent to it and advises you to marry someone with whom you share religious beliefs. There is one mis-understanding in the book about Catholicism. The book states that one of the authors, a Baptist, had been engaged to marry a Catholic. She wanted the wedding in her church but he said it would have to be in a Catholic church for his Church to recognize it. While it doesn't surprise me that he would have told her that, it was a misunderstanding of the Catholic church's rules. In order for the Catholic Church to consider the marriage they were contemplating to be valid, it would have to take place in a Catholic church or in another location approved by his pastor. It is my understanding that as a general rule most pastors accept the American custom that weddings take place in the church of the bride. However, the couple still has to go through Catholic marriage preparation and the Catholic party has to sign papers indicating that s/he will do her/his best to see to it that the children are raised Catholic. The non-Catholic party has to sign papers acknowledging that s/he knows about the papers signed by the Catholic. That being said, I agree with the authors that mixed-faith marriages have a strikea against them to start.

If you are a young adult looking for a mate, or trying to decide if a particular person is for you, I'd recommend this book.


  1. Interesting thought- but not true in my diocese. Many young adults have been told that IF they are not married in the Catholic Church they are not in a sacramental marriage. Do you have a citation that could be used in arguing the point? I know a young couple, right now, who are having a difficult time with father over this "rule".

  2. Here is a citation to Canon Law
    Can. 1118 §1. A marriage between Catholics or between a Catholic party and a non-Catholic baptized party is to be celebrated in a parish church. It can be celebrated in another church or oratory with the permission of the local ordinary or pastor.

    §2. The local ordinary can permit a marriage to be celebrated in another suitable place.

    §3. A marriage between a Catholic party and a non-baptized party can be celebrated in a church or in another suitable place.

    In other words, it looks like it is up to the bishop, and I guess some bishops are more open than others. The Code of Canon Law also says that a dispensation from the bishop is required in order to marry a non-Catholic.

    These couples of whom you speak, were they told they had to marry in "the" Church or in "a" church? In other words, were they told that even if they were willing to prepare for marriage as a Catholic, they could not have the wedding in another place; or were they told that they had to follow the Church's rules for marriage?


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